When we fix our children’s (or spouses) mistakes, we are training them to not be responsible.
To hold children accountable for their mistakes there are many choices. Sometimes the consequences are natural: for instance if they leave a toy out and it gets stepped on and broken or if they choose not to eat dinner because they’re picky then they are likely to be hungry 20 or 30 minutes later. By giving your kids empathy when they’ve made a bad choice that has natural consequences you turn yourself into the “good guy” and the child’s choice into the bad guy. It goes like this: ”It’s such a bummer that you left your toy out and now it’s broken” or “It’s so sad that you didn’t eat your supper. I feel really hungry too, when I don’t eat my supper.”
Sometimes there aren’t natural consequences. If your child gives you disrespectful behavior like back talk, eye rolling, arguing or other behavior that you don’t automatically have a good idea about what the consequence should be then use the energy drain. It goes like this ” it’s really sad but it really drains my energy when you … fill in the blank” then you let them know that you can’t take them to the park, the play date, their soccer game, fix dinner, wash clothes, etc. until your energy is filled back up. To fill you with energy they can pay for a babysitter so you can have a date night, they can do some of your chores or they can just wait until you have more energy.
I totally agree with your post about how we inadvertently teach our children not to be responsible. Nice tips! Thanks for sharing.